This paranoid tosser is making you disinfect your hands when you enter the shop. He refused to let me in because I won't be a sheep like him. Don't go there unless you want to be told you're “dirty”.
Very nice fella running this shop. Stumbled into it during the lockdown completely on accident, like, we leaned against the door for a sec and whoops, it just opened. Had to let someone know that the back door was unlocked, so we went in and looked around. Nobody was there so we thought, hey, shouldn't leave the cash box sitting right there, right? Anyone could just stumble in. So there we were, door unlocked, cash register in hand, and thank god that's when the old shop keeper came in! We were chuffed to have been able to help him and he was so grateful, he gave us some cake. A lot of cake. If his books are half as good as his Bundt cake then we can recommend his store.
has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍
Thank you ever so much! It was really nice getting to know you and your little friend group. Do make sure not to accidentally stumble into other establishments on the street, though, will you?
sure, yeah! absolutely! thanks a bunch, Mr. Fell!
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
Are you serious? You can't just walk into a closed shop!
Oh, they didn't walk into the shop, Maggie. They came through the backdoor and walked straight into my office.
Mr. Fell, that's worse! You do see how that's worse, don't you?
Don't bother. I had that conversation with him yesterday. He gets lockdown-rules-breaking burglars and he sends them off, laden with baked goods. But Satan forbid someone he knows breaks the rules.
Well, I certainly can't encourage anyone to break any rules! That would be... against the rules! But you see, these young men had already broken the lockdown rules, so there was nothing to be done about it anymore.
It's not like I can hinder someone if they were so inclined to just slink over and into my shop, as it were.
Yeah, yeah, I get it. “Forgive those who trespass against us” and all that.
No, what I mean is, if someone were to break the rules, and visit my bookshop, even though it is forbidden because of the virus, then the hypothetical damage would already have been done and it would not matter if they stayed over for cake, or even for the entire rest of the lockdown.
It's fine! I get it, it's not your fault those robbers broke into your place. Vinylgirl and I know that you giving them cake did not increase the infection risk. That's not the point, though.
You're right! It's not the point!
ok, glad we're on the same page.
I am not sure we are!
Just don't encourage burglars to came back to you, Mr. Fell. Please.
what she says, just without the “please”.
Fine.
If you heard the rumours about this bookshop: It's all true! The proprietor is just using the space for his disgusting indecency! A cheater is what he is! A cheater for going after people who are already in committed relationships, just because they're convenient and close to his shop!
I was wondering why my girlfriend keeps insisting on going to her coffee shop every damn day during this freaking lockdown, and lo and behold! Only one other person on the whole street is in his shop the whole time. And it's the guy just across the street, what a coincidence! Must be nice to have the privacy of a global pandemic, when literally no decent person is around to see who you're sneaking around with!
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
I'm sorry, I do think you have the wrong shop. Who is spreading these rumours? This is the second time I'm accused in such a preposterous manner, and I would quite like to put an end to it! The last time I saw the nice lady from the café across the street, was during a Whickber Street Shopkeeper Association meeting in 2017. And I don't believe we exchanged more than a greeting.
Oh don't be smart with me, I've seen right through you!
Sorry, just ignore my partner.
Lindsay, let's talk about this when I'm home, okay? If him calling me “nice lady” isn't proof enough that he never even talked to me, then I don't know what is.
Oh, so now you're coming home? I thought you needed to “stay late” with that book seller because a “machine broke”?
I do assure you, I have nothing to do with breaking any machines. That is not my forte. I always have a friend of mine sort it out if anything is wrong with a machine.
No, I was going to stay late in my shop because a machine broke, but if you're being like this, I can have it sorted out later this week.
So you wouldn't have NEEDED to stay late after all! Let's discuss this when you get home.
Excuse me, before you leave – could any of you please tell me where those ludicrous rumours are coming from? About me seducing women in my bookshop?
No one believes that, Mister Fell.
Well, at least two people seem to believe it!
I've only met you once over cake last month, but yeah. Absolutely nobody believes that.
Thank you.
July is over. So is the second lockdown. But it's still ever so lonely in my bookshop. It's very quiet. And the Devil's Ivy needs watering.
Nobody has left comments for this review.
↪ 📚 AZFell_books has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
My apologies, but I do not recall calling anyone coming into my shop “dirty”, and I do pride myself on a rather good memory. It does not sound like something I would even insinuate.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Oh really? Your mental not-even-insinuations have gotten pretty loud, then.
📚 AZFell_books
You were quite literally dripping with mud and dragging that poor, sopping wet Poison Ivy all over the floor.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Was not. It's an Epipremmum Aureum. And it was raining outside. What do you want me to do? Shut off the rain? You were the one who insisted I don't throw the blasted thing into the garbage disposal.
📚 AZFell_books
You could use an umbrella like any well-mannered gentleman. And isn't that just the Latin term for Poison Ivy?
🐍 AppleJSnek
HAH! “Well-mannered gentleman”! Good one! And no, it's not. Believe me, if I try to poison you, you will know. It's Devil's Ivy.
📚 AZFell_books
Of course it is.
Why do you even have that horrific “Garbage Disposal” contraption, by the way?
🐍 AppleJSnek
To shred plants with.
📚 AZFell_books
Obviously. I don't know why I asked.
🎩 mr_einstein_holmes
Re: your original comment. If you don't know that putting up a sign and a bottle of disinfectant at your door is hugely insulting, then you're clearly intellectually challenged. And even that other guy @AppleJSnek just confirmed that you are insulting customers on the regular by calling them dirty.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Don't @ me with your grubby little hands.
🎩 mr_einstein_holmes
Real mature. My hands aren't grubby and they sure as hell aren't little. I have quite long and large fingers, in fact.
🐍 AppleJSnek
My bad, I wasn't aware I was talking to the president of the United States.
🎩 mr_einstein_holmes
I bet you think you're so funny! My hands are above average for the British male.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Are they “gonna be huge”?
📚 AZFell_books
My dear Mr. Einstein-Holmes, would you care to explain to me when exactly I insulted you?
🎩 mr_einstein_holmes
You wouldn't let me into your overrated bookshop unless I disinfect my hands.
📚 AZFell_books
I was not aware that that is considered an insult. Have you perchance not read the newspaper in the last couple of weeks?
🐍 AppleJSnek
I wouldn't be too sure that someone who needs to compensate by calling himself “mr_einstein_holmes” on the internet, actually comprehends a newspaper.
🎩 mr_einstein_holmes
Why are you suddenly simping around on this shopkeeper's side??
🐍 AppleJSnek
Oh, I am not on his side. He is a huffy angel. I just, on principle, dislike people who are so averse to washing their hands that they throw a hissy-fit about it to strangers on the internet.
📚 AZFell_books
What do you mean, you're not on my side?
🐍 AppleJSnek
Not when it comes to business practices and insults.
📚 AZFell_books
I see.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Oh, of course I'm on your side, angel.
📚 AZFell_books
That Einstein-fellow is being awfully quiet, all of a sudden.
🐍 AppleJSnek
I heard he wrote a very rude comment yesterday that got immediately deleted, and miraculously also broke his internet connection.
📚 AZFell_books
I see. Thank you. For being on my side.
🐍 AppleJSnek
Always.