Jul 13th 2012

👰

Donna_Noble

★★☆☆☆

This could be a nice bookshop if it was just the shop. It's just that everything else is a disaster! It's never open! And the one time I caught it while it actually was open, the owner was there with his scrawny roofing shingle of a wife and their tiny son. They were both unbelievably rude! (And that's coming from a person who is considered pretty rude herself, if you believe my mum!) I asked the woman if we've met because she reminded me of someone, and she had the gall to ask me if I make a habit of going to hell! Well, no, sunshine, but keep giving me that lip, you might end up there!

AND THEN the kid put a lizard down my cleavage and while I was flailing to get that little monster out, the human little monster had the nerve to say “Don't step on brother newt!” Sonny, I will step on you if I ever see you again!

And then, the mother literally praised him for being a little brat!!!

AND THEN!!!, when I went to the bookseller and started to give him a good, verbal shoeing, the cheeky little demon spawn had the nerve to say “Don't be mean to Brother Francis, or I'll tell all the forces of hell to put a lego brick in front of your bed every morning!” (And what kind of nutter makes their child call them “Brother Something”, by the way? Are they in a bloody cult???) At least the dad told him off, after that. But with how gentle he was being when his son basically threatened a person, it's no wonder the scallywag is the way he is.

Anyway, don't go to that shop! It's a waste of time because it will be closed anyway, and when it's open, the owners are babysitting their child there. Or rather: you'd hope they'd at least babysit their rascal but they don't. And the flipping lizard LEFT ITS TAIL IN MY BRA!

Jul 15th 2012

↪ 💏 LondonIsForLovers has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎

I never knew that Mr. Fell has a wife and I'm a regular! Pretty sure you just ran into some rude customers. What did you expect Mr. Fell to do? Kick out another customer because their kid is being a bit unruly?

Jul 15th 2012

👰 Donna_Noble

I don't know, maybe to tell the boy to keep his lizards to himself???

Aug 12th 2019

↪ 🐙 LiviaThan has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍

Are we sure that was his wife? I couldn't find anything about a wife anywhere else. And where did the child go?
(Edit: ….I feel like I know OP's name from a cryptid-video from back in 2008.)

Aug 17th 2019

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

Aaaaaah I smell a new Liviathan video whenever I see you here in the comments!!! Also, dollars to doughnuts, that guy is gay.

Aug 18th 2019

🕵️‍♀️ ScoobyDoobyBlue

lol not gay, just a vampire. they look gay by default.

Aug 18th 2019

🐙 LiviaThan

Oh, I'm not too sure I believe the vampire theory...

Aug 18th 2019

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

:O DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN THEORY??? BOOKSHOP-CRYPTID VIDEO BOOKSHOP-CRYPTID VIDEO BOOKSHOP-CRYPTID VIDEO!!!! :O

Aug 18th 2019

🐙 LiviaThan

Wait and see...

Aug 18th 2019

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

>:((((

Sept 5th 2019

👰 Donna_Noble

WHAT are you people on about?! Vampires??? And did you all not read the thing about the “Brother Francis” part??? This is not some fantasy rot, this is a cult member!

Sept 8th 2019

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

yeah yeah the demonic doomsday cult, we've all seen it. boring, we know about that already!! What was that about a wife and a son?? He's gotta be gay, there's too many fanfics by now!!

Sept 9th 2019

👰 Donna_Noble

You children need Jesus.

Sept 22nd 2013

👓

Raoul_the_Viscount

★★★★★

I'm ever so glad this bookshop is back open! I wanted to visit several times in the last years but it was always closed, and the Lady from next door's shop told me it will stay that way indefinitely. A very fine selection of books, they have! I was quite impressed. It got a bit dodgy though when I heard the proprietor answer a call from the landline as “Mr. Fell”, who I assume is the owner of the bookshop, and then one from a seemingly different landline as “Mr. Cortese”.

Sept 26th 2018

↪ 🐿️ TheTravellersJester has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍

Oooooh so it IS the mafia? :< that's so disappointiiiiing! what a boring resolution

Sept 26th 2018

🦈 im_a_shark

the mafia is too boring for you??

Sept 30th 2018

🕵️‍♀️ ScoobyDoobyBlue

I wouldn't necessarily think mafia just because he uses several names. Pretty much all theories include immortality or longevity and if you're living longer than 150 years, you got to have more than one name.

Sept 30th 2018

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

Oooh!!! True!! What if he had a jilted lover in the mafia in 1800 though, and that's why they showed up to his shop that day, and he had to change his name to escape an arranged marriage......!

Sept 30th 2018

🕵️‍♀️ ScoobyDoobyBlue

I wouldn't necessarily go that far but yes. If you live long enough, you're bound to cross someone who can F up your whole life.

Oct 11th 2018

📷 DebStJames

What are you people talking about? Even if someone could be 200 years old and had to hide their identity, why on earth would he go through all that trouble but still run the same bookshop?

Oct 19th 2018

🐍 AppleJSnek

Soppiness?

Dec 16th 2015

🦌

moose_with_a_rifle

★★★★☆

This is a weird shop, that's for sure. But weird doesn't mean bad, I guess. I am always looking for very specific, maybe a bit peculiar non-fiction and this shop had a ton of it! It was strange. I'm talking “I didn't find that much at the British Library about this topic”-levels of strange. They had scrubbed bible texts, really old occult books about angels and demons and so many books of prophecy. So if you're into researching that stuff, this is the right address for you.

Unfortunately, the books I was interested in were not for sale. Literally every single book I asked about. (That's why I'm only giving 4 out of 5 stars.)

But that got me talking with the owner and turns out he is really knowledgeable about this stuff! I think I learned about as much from him as I would have from the books I wanted. He can also make a mean Earl Grey if you're there for longer! At first he said, he didn't have time, but when I started asking specific questions, his face lit up as if prophecies are his favorite thing to talk about, and that's how we got to the tea. I kind of feel bad about it because he was really distracted the whole time, and sometimes drifted off mid-sentence as if he just thought of something. And he seemed fidgety. I think I probably caught him at a really inconvenient time, but he still took time out of his day to answer my questions. Really nice guy!

When I asked him what he knew about the Antichrist, he suddenly remembered that he had to close up shop and I thought “sure, I'll leave as fast as possible to get out of this guy's hair”, but even though he seemed in a hurry, he held me back. Said he wanted to give me his blessings and told me not to worry about some personal stuff I had told him about. Basically, a friend of my brother and me was missing. And he said it would all turn out fine.
Look, usually I'm not a “oh, you can just manifest things if you believe them hard enough”-kind of guy, but hearing him say that genuinely made me feel better for some reason. And get this – turns out our missing friend contacted my brother while I was on my way home! Obviously I'm not saying that this bookseller had anything to do with it with some hoodoo or whatnot. But still, I'm really grateful that he managed to calm me down.

Dec 19th 2015

↪ 🐿️ TheTravellersJester has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍

MASSIVE SIDE-EYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Dec 19th 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

Sorry?

Dec 19th 2015

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

he did MAGIC!!!! :O

Dec 19th 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

Really, it was just a coincidence. My friend told me where he was – which wasn't tied up in the bookshop's basement or anything.

Dec 19th 2015

🐿️ TheTravellersJester

i wasn't thinking that but now that you said it, i kind of am thinking it...

Dec 19th 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

Okay, in hindsight, pointing out that someone isn't a kidnapper isn't really that reassuring. I just meant it as a joke. That bookseller-guy definitely had nothing to do with my friend's disappearance.

Dec 20th 2015

🕵️‍♀️ ScoobyDoobyBlue

Dude, whether you know it or not, pretty sure you just sold your soul for a wish or something lol

Dec 21st 2015

↪ 📚 AZFell_books has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍

It's so good to hear that your friend is safe and sound back home with the people who love him! I trust you have been well, also? Even though you could not buy the book that you almost accidentally took home underneath your shirt with you?

Dec 21st 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

Hi Mr. Fell! I'm so sorry about the book! It was honestly an accident. I had taken it down from the shelf wrapped in my flannel shirt because I know how delicate old books are. And then I must have completely forgotten about it!
Yeah, our friend is back home! It's a miracle! Thank you so much for our talk and your kind words

Dec 21st 2015

📚 AZFell_books

Oh, I'm sure it was an honest mistake and that it will never happen again. And I'm very glad that you, your brother and your friend are alright. Have a happy Christmas with your little family of three if you celebrate!

Dec 21st 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

hah, yeah! I guess family comes in the weirdest shapes and sizes. Merry Christmas to you and yours, too!

Dec 21st 2015

📚 AZFell_books

Thank you! I'm afraid my family doesn't celebrate, and we're not very close either.

Dec 21st 2015

🦌 moose_with_a_rifle

I guess then they're not your real family! A wise man once told me “Family don't end with blood”. So: Merry Christmas to you and your real family.

Dec 25th 2015

🥜

Beagles_everywhere

★☆☆☆☆

Good grief, what are those opening hours???? I phoned last week and the man said they were open on Christmas! But when I came, this old geezer locks up from the outside and says he has an important appointment in Mayfair!!! How important can it have been????

Dec 27th 2015

↪ 📚 AZFell_books has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍

I am ever so sorry, young lady! Can I interest you in a gift card for a record?

Dec 28th 2015

🎵 VinylMagnateMaggie

Mr. Fell!!! Stop it!

Dec 28th 2015

🥜 Beagles_everywhere

What's a record???

Dec 28th 2015

📚 AZFell_books

Nevermind.

Dec 29th 2015

↪ 🐍 AppleJSnek has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎

Obviously it was not important but good lord, let the man celebrate Christmas with someone other than his awful “family” for once in a blue moon!

Dec 29th 2015

📚 AZFell_books

Actually, to me it was rather important.

Dec 29th 2015

🐍 AppleJSnek

oh. okay. yeah.