April 26th 2024
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
i don’t think “normal” means what you think it means
There are so many people here. So how come me and my girlfriend are the only normal ones? I think I’m going insane.
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
i don’t think “normal” means what you think it means
To the people in London during this apocalypse: Come to 37 Whickber St if you’re seeking shelter from the Big Cloud of Nothingness closing in from the Thames.
We have enough food, cocoa and 100-year-old wine. (I’m working on the water; because I have a feeling most people in this country consider it a war-crime not to be served their 5-o’clock tea. And the current owner of the shop is absolutely unbearable without coffee and I won’t have him running wine-drunk errands in between the Hellish Spike Growth Valley that is Belgravia and the ominous soot currently covering Knightsbridge.) As soon as my boyfriend has a generator up and running, we will also have a “reliable” source of electricity in case that cuts out in the city.
You have to go around the whale on Oxford Street to see our front door. It unfortunately fell from the sky here and we’re still working on getting it to the ocean, but the Big Wall of Fire in the east and about 30 miles of unclear street regulations that do not specify whether a whale is allowed to go on all lanes of the M25 at once, are a bit of a hindrance. Sorry for the inconvenience!
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
Is this the American way to search for safe places in an emergency? Compare Yelp-reviews?
No, but I got the impression that maybe it is the British way of staying in the loop; because every third review on this site isn’t actually about the bookshop but about whatever weird, reality-warping events were surrounding it on that particular day.
You know what, fair enough.
has rated the above review as “没有帮助” 👎
Why did you put “reliable” in quotes?
Y did u add ‘reliable’ at all?
A positive attitude is proven to have at least some capacity of manifesting that visualisation.
Did Jesus just mock me? Am I being mocked by Jesus?
I gotta keep it real, bro!
Go back to “fixing” that emergency generator, honey.
“Manifesting that visualisation?” I didn’t know witches were the same as esoteric housewives who got scammed into joining a pyramid scheme.
Do you really want to spend time and energy on being a contrarian just for the sake of being a contrarian while we’re one whale away from being flattened to pancakes?
Please don’t take it personal. That’s just the way Nina is! And she’s having a rough time with her coffee shop being overtaken by the same demons that are besieging us.
Yeah, it’s not personal. I just don’t believe in all this witchery-bullshit! It’s basically just fraud. And since I’m stuck in the same building with someone pretending to be a witch for the remainder of this apocalypse, I will keep being as contrarian as I want until I see actual evidence of something like ‘witchcraft’ existing.
Like angels and demons, deary? Or what sort of evidence would be suitable?
As much as I appreciate the support, it might not be as helpful when the person arguing that witchcraft is real is the same one who told us yesterday that she used to scam people by pretending to be able to talk to ghosts.
the bookshop is noisy enough as it is with all of you literally breathing down my neck all the time
can you at least keep it down on this bloody website!?
Someone’s in a foul mood!
I think Crowley is stressed because we heard of an angelic army gathering in St. James Park two days ago. :(
I think it’s rather because of what we haven’t heard in a while…
Old tube stations or bunkers from the second World War are not quite the history period I’m interested in, but it’s humbling to see local history be of service to us now in the same way as it was before.
Thank you to the bookshop staff who took all of us in during these… I don’t know what to call it. Eventful times? Is it “eventful times” when there was a burning cloud listing all of our sins at us, yesterday? It was very rude, too! We tried to pull the curtains closed, but it just kept moving from window to window and even kept talking at us through the closed door when we hung up a “no solicitors” sign.
According to the sin-cloud I should not have stolen my colleague’s lunch, watched Love Island or broken the door in my school after failing the chemistry exam, in that order. I don’t think any of that was in the bible, in my defence!
Anyway, after it was finished with me and about to move on to the next person, the shop owner with the sunglasses shoved me aside and told the cloud to do him next, and then the cloud’s deep baritone turned into a high pitched whine before it started to vibrate and then exploded. (Weirdly enough, Mr Crowley seemed very annoyed at this and said something about his chance to “finally find out what did it”, but I will ask him about that later.)
But that should tell you that you’re safe here with us because there are people here who know how to deal with all of this. (They actually said they have “experience with apocalypses” – whatever that means!)
I can only encourage everyone who does not know where to go, to meet us here.
Ever since I found that letter from 1800, I kept thinking of the mysterious shop described in there. I would never have guessed that I’d find myself hiding from the end of the world in the shop that old Adam Bailey was so afraid of.
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
Oh man, don’t call it the end of the world! That sounds so depressing.
What would you call it, then?
idk, meeting the fam? Kinda feel shitty about how my folks seem to be ruining every1 else’s day!
You’re the Jezzy who sleeps on the ground between the shelves and who just brought me cocoa together with Muriel, right? What do you mean, “your folks”?!
Nothing! He’s just the sort who thinks the weight of the world is on his shoulders, you know? Bit of a saviour-complex!
A true martyr.
Ok because for a second I thought he was with the rotten-looking molten-face crew over in the coffee shop…
Oh, no no. Definitely not with them…
If they touched even one of my machines, I’ll melt off more than just their faces.
We don’t have a halo at our disposal anymore, Nina.
and we won’t bloody need one
I just hope he’s alright…
I think we shouldn’t keep reminding our Mr Crowley that his man is missing and hasn’t checked in via this site for over a week now, dearie.
Yes, thank you, I’m sure you spelling it out won’t have reminded him!
Oh my goodness, you’re right! My apologies, Mr Crowley! Maybe I can hold a séance and contact him that way. I feel like I have a bit of a connection to him since that last time, you know?
A wonae let this bastard near ma Jezebel again! He'll have tae get past ma finger first!
Shush, Mr Shadwell. Remember that Mr Crowley said you’re only allowed to hide inside his shop as long as you keep your opinions to yourself or you will have to go out to the rude cloud again. And you know how long that cloud was talking at you!
A dinnae understand why stealin a wee boy's ice lolly wis on that list. Thon lad haed tae toughen up! Juist like thon southern... over-groomed gentleman wha A am no allowit tae call any other word!
So much for not keeping reminding Crowley.
stop pretending to know what i think or wanna hear
some beings get a tad agitated when trying to stop earth from exploding, that is all there is to it
maybe you all should focus a bit more on that too and less on my private life
I already posted about it on socials and uploaded a short on youtube but just in case my parents look for me on here out of all places: I’m fine, don’t worry! And we really need to work on your internet-skills if this really is where you read it first. I tried to contact you but as soon as all the weird stuff started with the singing dolphins flying out of our orbit, the phone network here in London went down. And stranded tourists are not the emergency-services’ first priority, it looks like.
The old lady I came to visit (Doreen), and I went to that bookshop that I told you about. We’re staying here with a bunch of other stranded people until it all blows over. Stay safe at home!
And to anyone else in the London area reading this: It’s crowded as hell, but we still have space! And I promise there are no scary cryptids here, either. (Although I would love to get a good look at the folks over in the coffee shop across the street…!)
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Oh hey, m’lady! The new girl is you? I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you when you came in!
I’m a mod in r/bookshopcryptid. I always watch your channel! Nice work on discovering the bunker underneath this shop so we can now lay low here.
Oh, hey. Yeah, really great to be stuck here with you… I thought you’re also an American?
Yeah, born and bred in Bigfoot territory! I’m just here for work for a month and my car crashed into a whale last week, so now I’m stuck here with you.
Lucky me.
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It’s so nice to have you visiting us again! :) I forgot to ask you earlier: Will you be making another documentary about us? It was so much fun last time!
No, I was just here on holiday and to see Doreen again after her hip replacement. We kept in touch. And besides, at the end there, it felt like Mr. Fell didn’t want my camera up in his business anymore, either.
By the way, where is he? I haven’t seen him when I came in. Or since. Doreen would like to say hi, and I would, too! Is he coming back soon?
he’s not here
he’s not contactable
and he’s not coming back soon
I’m so sorry! What happened?!
A week ago, he was trying to contact Crowley a lot, but Crowley kept blocking him. :( That means he’s not allowed to write here anymore, unless he thinks of a new nice thing about Crowley to put as his name.
I don’t think that’s the reason he suddenly stopped writing. Unfortunately. Especially since he vanished was the same day that that red-headed person in a white suit descended from the sky blowing a trumpet.
Oh, yes! That was Michael!
But at least Crowley is happy now! :) He wanted Aziraphale to stop replying so bad! :(
I don’t think he’s that happy with his victory, Muriel…
he was supposed to keep trying
He did. Something must have happened to him to go radio silent.
And he really wasn’t supposed to keep trying. When I last saw you, you were mad, you were hurt and you actually wanted your peace from him. Your aura was all red because you really needed time to sort your feelings. Away from him. And that's healthy!
not when he’s in danger
Yes. Danger changes things. It tends to expose your priorities; even to yourself, sometimes.
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hey camera-girl! will you film me telling those bad guys in the coffee shop off?
Uhm… I semi-professionally investigate scary creatures and even I don’t really wanna go over there. I don’t think a kid like you has any idea what you’re getting yourself into. There’s an apocalypse out there! Do you even know what that means?
came here to help but the adults, who asked me to sort everything out MYSELF last time, are telling me to stay put
and there’s this girl who says she’s into cryptids but doesn’t want to make a video on me!!!
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
And why the hell would I make a video on you? I’m sure puberty must be unsettling to you but you’re not exactly scary monster material.
Can we please not get into that on the internet? My great-great-grandaunt has documented enough of that for people to speculate about.
Hello, Adam! I meant it when I told you this morning that it’s nice to see you again, even under these circumstances! Please don’t do anything rash. I know you’re almost an adult now, but that just means you’re not your eleven-year-old self anymore.
Give it up, Adam! Nobody but us thinks you’re cool.
Actually, I stopped thinking he’s cool in year 6. Brian is way cooler than him.
thnaks
BRIAN?!
Oh, how the mighty fall!
i’ll show you all when i tell my wanna-be father’s army to go home and they’ll listen
you sit your arse down, young man
you’re not as powerful as you were and i have no time to go on another rescue mission
another? what was the last one? and can i come with you on the next one? please?
You can take my spot in the next one! The last one was fun! :) Mr Brown got caught by the demons next door! :) But Crowley tricked them into letting him go by telling them Mr Brown is the inventor of Shop Keeper Associations. Because that means he’s one of them! :)
Yes, and can I say: Thank you again for your help, Mr Crowley. Even though I’m sure it would have been fine once I’ve read them the Street Vendor’s Agreement and pointed out that they’re currently in violation of §15 point 4 of the hospitality rules, I appreciate your initiative in bringing me into Mr Fell’s shop in the meantime.
Who would have thought that we would ever end up being friends?
i’m gonna tell dagon they can have you back
I met the last person who ran this shop during the 2020 lockdowns. Real nice fella! Told me I’m welcome back whenever I fancy a Bundt cake.
But the new fella is horrible! Not welcoming at all! Very cross immediately when he met me with the cash register in hand that I was just in the process of taking to a safer place where nobody could accidentally knock it over.
has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
i wish you would social distance from this shop
jane austen was a lot more fun to be around
Not that it’s not flattering but why am I being compared to a romance author?
“romance author”
shows what you know about your own kind
i hope you hit the road when i'm back to the shop
You let Newt’s old boss stay, so you’re hardly going to kick some poor burglar to the curb.
you’re right. i’m not
unfortunately i think i need him
Do you have a plan?
I hope it’s better than the one after Mr Fell’s ball. You know; the one that involved you leaving and only coming back when everything was already over.
you know what, i think my plan just changed into keeping those demons inside the coffee shop forever
Don’t you dare! I’d much rather stay over there than in this dusty place where books go to die. At least I’d get a decent coffee for my girls there!
always nice to have you
You know I like you, and Mr Fell obviously has a good head on his shoulders to have gotten with you. But your man has no taste in drinks and he has no clue about interior design. And he has no duster either, from what I’ve seen.
so i come all the way to help my old nanny + then (s)hes not even here to greet me
has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍
Warlock??? where are you???
in the bookshop
where are you
we’re on a rescue. muriel stayed home so i could come!
we’re busy with an archangel who got stuck in a manhole and now they’re threatening to smite the sewer system. i remember enough of my history class on 1858 to know i don’t want to deal with london without working sewers
oh its you
the imposter
the what now?
you stole my life
i what? are you greasy johnson? you will never get a cool gang together like me! give up!
no i am the adversary
oh wow you’re my parents’ kid, aren’t you? i’m sorry! they’re really awesome and i bet you would’ve loved them but i’m not giving them back.
i dont care about them
you stole my fucking throne
and now my nanny
where is he
i never wanted your stupid throne!
or i only wanted it for like 2 minutes. you can have it now if you want!
and mr crowley is stuck in second manhole
Of course he is. I’m sending Newt to help pull him and the stuck angel out.
their name is uriel and they’re very, very cross about the existence of waste water systems.
if you pushed my nanny into a hole im going to push you off this planet
yo, stop fighting! There’s enough fighting outside n it’s really cramping my style! Peace and love!
and who the fuck are you
The anti-Antichrist.
oh wow! i think we’re meant to be enemies. i don’t really wanna do that though. i’m adam, nice to meet you!
Yo! Good to meet you, bro!!!
we are enemies
You and Adam?
me + the anti-antichrist
+ me + the antichrist
I think I don’t vibe w/ you. You seem kinda intense! But feel free to hmu when you’ve taken a chill pill!
i will destroy you!!!
Warlock, i know i taught you to destroy your enemies but could you postpone that until i’m not trying to broker a peace-deal in an interdimensional war with the help of said enemies?
I thought you were stuck in a manhole.
believe me, when you herded this kid for 11 years, you learn how to multitask even with your arm stuck to your side and your foot in shit
why are you teaming up with my enemies???
Warlock, darkness of my life, if i tried to avoid everyone you declare to be your enemy, i’d need to move to alpha centauri
although even that might be out now, since you pissed off hastur so much that he ranted about it to beelzebub and that is usually enough to annoy them to the point theyll swear destruction on you
fine
ill destroy them later
have you found brother francis
no
Oh, no angry rant when asked where Mr Fell was all of last week? What happened to “he’s conveniently absent when shit is going down, I bet he’s sitting on his heavenly butt and filing lots of important paperwork”?
i don’t think he’d leave us alone with this for so long
i dont know where he is or if he needs rescuing
i cant sense him with all those angels around
are you sure you havent overlooked him again
like when he tried to contact you on here + you didnt get his usernames
you saw that? his usernames were complete bollocks! i bet he doesn’t even know himself what they meant
rly? @BF_with_the_D? hows that one hard to get
???
brother francis with the dowlings
of course
only he could make that sound like a swinger pseudonym
+ the other one @A.A.W.G.A.W.H.A.F.A.H.C.
go on then sherlock
he told me a story when i was little
it was one of my favorites bc everything else with him was always black + white
but in that story he told me about An Angel Who Goes Along With Heaven As Far As He Can
he told you about that
yeah
nanny?
yes?
werent you always obsessed with being like james bond and said the secret service men at home are stupid bc you would make a much better spy
how did you not get those usernames
shut up or you’re grounded in the bookshop
arent you stuck in a manhole
how will you ground me
through the shitter?
thats it! no more destroying enemies for you for a month!
so do we have a plan for saving the world and finding brother francis or
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yes
but i need to call in the cavalry first
↪ 🎵 VinylMagnateMaggie has rated the above review as “Helpful” 👍
Try to settle in a bit, love.
(SHE CALLED ME HER GIRLFRIEND!!!!)