has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
what the hell? i dont read comments anymore but this one suddenly reverberated in my head
You would not have had to hear my review if you had shown a little more responsibility for your plants, child.
“child”? who the hell are you? all of you wankers from head offices should know by now that nothing can kill me! you better leave me alone
I know precisely what is able to kill you. When it finds you, I will be there.
who are you
I am creation's shadow. I told you when I left the airfield that I would be back.
fuck
its you again
have you come to finish the job from when i saw you in the park after the apocalypse?
No. Even though your thoughts are constantly circling around how I should come to you.
Your time does not care for when you think it is. You may feel like you have no future, but that it not the case. Your emotions are playing a trick on you. It happens to humans a lot.
are you... giving me a pep talk?!
See it as repayment for your and your friend's unwillingness to sell Emily Dickinson volumes to humans.
She was a very talented lady but the spread of her propaganda – that I have time to kindly stop for everyone who could not stop for me – is making my job harder than it has to be. I am on a schedule! Their schedule has just been cleared!
Hello! Are you a friend of Rudy's? That's nice! I've never met a friend of a house plant!
How do you do that? The reading-out-loud thing when I look at your text, I mean?
And while we're on the subject of Dickinson. I also do not have a carriage. And if I had one, it would not hold immortality. That would be rather counter-productive.
dont talk to him, muriel! dont read it! give me your phone! things always go south when he's around
That is very rude to say about someone who gave you a pep talk and left your Devil's Ivy on the mortal plane for another month in which you will probably continue to forget to water him.
leave them alone!
I see how it is. Dickinson-fans everywhere. Forget I said anything.
↪ 🐍 AppleJSnek has rated the above review as “Not helpful” 👎
if you don't leave me alone I will find a way to throw you out of all of london
🎖️ Witchfinder_Army_official
Ah well show ye the power of meh finger if ye so much as touch a hair on ha head, devil!!!
🔮 MadameTracy
Now, now! There is no reason for hostility! A breakup after a long-term relationship is hard on everyone, even without the added strain of suddenly not having your special someone to physically relax you anymore.
🐍 AppleJSnek
i swear to satan if you keep talking about him like that, i will show you what being on the wrong end of a finger that can actually incinerate something feels like
🔮 MadameTracy
Repressed sexuality is not helping the situation either, but to each their own boundaries, dearie. And I am so sorry to have barged into your home like that but we have been told you're doing rather poorly and were asked to check up on you.
🐍 AppleJSnek
ugh how did Nina even get your number
and why did you have to bring that pillock of an arsonist
🔮 MadameTracy
He says he's very sorry for the fire and he won't leave any more comments here.
🐍 AppleJSnek
did he actually say he's sorry or did you forbid him to write more comments so he can't say anything incriminating about how “he's very sorry”
🔮 MadameTracy
So how do you feel, pet? I have a couple of old colleagues that I could set you up with. One of them has lovely curves, blonde hair and very pretty bright-blue eyes, if that helps.
🐍 AppleJSnek
i'm going to count now. pray that i make it to 10 and your eyebrows don't combust before that
🐍 AppleJSnek
lucky you.
why do you think i threw out both of you and not just that absolute broomstick you dragged along
🔮 MadameTracy
Oh, you know us witches. Have to carry our broomsticks around with us everywhere we go! (Imagine I just winked at you!) But let's not tell Mr Shadwell that we called him that, alright?
I assumed you threw me out because you were a wee bit uncomfortable with my advice about intimate solo-relaxation.
🐍 AppleJSnek
yeah fine, that alone would have gotten you thrown out too
but i was already gonna throw you out because i don't need to see his satandamned face when he's not even here
or what his face used to look like for a couple of hours anyway
🔮 MadameTracy
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. All this is really hard on you, isn't it?
🐍 AppleJSnek
shut up
🐍 AppleJSnek
i don't want to see you and i don't want to see him. so you can stick your old, blonde, soft colleague where the sun doesn't shine
🔮 MadameTracy
That's exactly where you stick him, dearie. But alright, it wouldn't be the healthiest way to cope with this situation anyhow.
Have you considered that you are a very lovely and devilishly handsome fellow all on your own, and that you don't need anyone else to be a complete and lovely person?